Battle Lines Drawn

Another week, another weigh-in. My initial weight loss battle plan, while effective, has apparently lost its strength. The enemy (the lbs I can’t seem to lose) is on to me, so I have been forced to change tactics in a few ways. First, I am choosing to attend WW tonight, Monday, instead of my normal Tuesday. My hope is that a different WW leader will not only inspire me but also offer me some constructive advice which I can work from. My regular leader says things to me like "Well, you could be doing better" and "You need to do something to jump start your weight loss." Thanks, lady. Do they pay you to state the obvious? Because if so I'd like an application.

Second tactic change: Take some advice. I've spent the past week taking into consideration the thought of a few near & dear friends, which is: You are working your body too hard. You're tired, and maybe not eating enough, and your body is holding on to all your calories (aka energy) because it feels like it needs to in order to survive. You look good, but you also look like hell. You're exhausted-- slow down.

So, I did. I went to the gym a mere 4 times this week, and was as lax with my points counting as I've ever been. I let my mind and my body relax a bit. A mini-vacation from WW, I am hoping, will be just what I needed.

Third tactic change: Stop focusing so much on the weight loss itself. I have been beating myself up thinking "Body, you might not like me very much right now, but you can't deny that I'm working hard, so stop being such a jerk and show me the weight loss, damnit!" This was not getting me anywhere, and in fact was driving me certifiably, Britney-Spears-with-an-umbrella crazy. My mind, despite being in overdrive, was not able to outwit my body. Apparently my body has a mind of it’s own and it is unfortunately not the same mind that wants to lose weight. Then, late last week I got a text from my little bro that made me realize what my outlook should have been: "Remember two things: 1) You are an [insert my last name here]...your body will fight weight loss like it's a disease and 2) The most impressive goal is completing the tri...the losing weight thing just comes along with it." He couldn’t be more right- why didn’t I let myself think of it this way? It does feel like my body is battling against this- and I know it’s never been easy for me or anyone else in my family to lose weight, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

And the triathlon truly is the bigger goal here. If I keep focused on that, losing weight will be a by-product of my training. My body can only deny me the weight loss for so long (do you hear that, body?! You can’t deny me forever!). Not that I’m giving up on WW- I just need to remember that it’s only one piece of the metaphorical pie. Mmmm....pie. I don’t even like pie and writing that made me hungry. Even metaphorical pie sounds delish.

Anyway. Will I meet my May 1st weight loss goal? Maybe. Does it matter if I don’t? Not really. And I say that grudgingly. It’s an arbitrary goal that should have been attainable and I’ll have no excuse if I don’t meet it (besides my body’s plot against me). But here’s another thought— Who do I need to give an excuse to if I don’t? Certainly I know all my own excuses, my reasons, my hard work and my mis-steps. I don’t need to answer to anyone but myself on this one. Do I want to meet my goal? Heck yes. Will I be mad if I don’t? Uh-huh, absolutely. Nothing I can do about that, it’s the way I am. But I know that I’ve worked very hard, and that if I don’t meet my goal it was not for lack of effort. I also know that I will get there; if not May 1st, then maybe June 1st. Or maybe August 1st (but eeek, I hope not!). I won’t give up. I’ll revise my battle strategy until my body & mind call a truce, hurtling across finish lines hand-in-hand, living happily ever after.

Now I’m off to my WW meeting. Wish me luck.